ME, JOHN KERRY, AND BEN (PART ONE).

Election day. I have become hyper-aware, and hyper-sensitive, and it is driving me insane.

Circa 2 p.m. the news sources start leaking the exit polls, and I become aware that they are saying that Virginia is "too close to call."

VIRGINIA. Which, as we now know, actually split approximately 54-46 for Bush, a ten point spread.

I realize that if Virginia is, in fact, "too close to call," Bush will be crushed. And I can't take it.

I take the boys out with me to shop and run errands, anything to get my mind off the election. And I try, very hard, not to turn on the radio.

But in the Costco parking lot, my fingers reflexively reach for the knob on the radio, and when I twist the knob, I hear John Kerry's voice. I shriek, and writhe, and turn off the radio, all in one reflexive gesture.

Ben says, "John Kerry. His voice causes my mother to writhe in agony. Save my mom. Vote Bush."